| THINGS TO DO ON AN EXAM WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE GOING TO FAIL IT ANYWAYS! |
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the
secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate
your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm
SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a
jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer
every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the
grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of
relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the
country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small
pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're
really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first
one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head,
and nothing else.
8. Come down with a bad case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking.
Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat,
continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start
commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently,
scream out "I'm not going to take it anymore!" and walk out triumphantly.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor
that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour
to go drink.)
15. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
16. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a
white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until
they drag you away.
17. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you
could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most
equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life
story.
18. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
19. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you.
Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
20. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs,
anything you can reach.
21. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
22. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice
cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
23. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to
the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every
lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who are you?
Where's the regular guy?"
24. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make
one up!
25. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers
completely blacked out.
26. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why,
tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above
my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
27. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore
the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to
leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the
River Kwai.
28. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any
question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.